Deeply fulfilling, lasting relationships are possible for you.
Let’s face it—the stats on relationships aren’t great. And your own experiences haven’t given you much hope either.
Most everyone you know is either divorced, still single, or in a relationship you would not want to replicate. Maybe your parents are even divorced, or they’ve stayed together but are absolutely miserable. Your own relationships, past or present, have left you feeling like maybe relationships just don’t last or that it’s impossible to have relationships that are lasting and happy.
In your relationship, disconnection and hurt have started to feel inevitable.
You’ve felt:
like you’re having the same arguments over and over without resolution.
like you and your partner are caught up in a cycle—every time one of you leans in, the other leans out.
lonely and like any changes either of you make in the relationship only lasts for a short time and things are back to normal.
anxious and afraid to say anything that may lead to another argument.
worried about the future of your relationship—sometimes you feel like nothing more than roommates.
like you can’t have expectations in your relationship—if you have no expectations, you can’t be disappointed, right?
hopeless and like you’ve tried everything but things only seem to get worse.
unwanted because your relationship has grown distant and lacking in affection, intimacy, and/or sex.
you worry maybe you just aren’t compatible and maybe you chose the wrong partner or you’ve grown too far apart.
People find their way to relationship therapy from a lot of different places:
Perhaps you’re not even in a relationship right now, but you know you haven’t been able to get it right in the past. Maybe you’ve always been the person who was more leaned in, trying desperately to get your partner’s attention, adapting and getting lost in the other person, and feeling so clingy and needy. Maybe you’ve been the person who kept one foot out the door—you don’t trust people and you know relationships don’t work, so you just keep yourself a little disconnected for when it inevitably ends—yet you still find yourself lonely and hoping you’ll eventually find a relationship that works.
Or maybe you’re in a relationship and feeling like it’s headed downhill. When you first got together, your partner was your best friend and confidant who you could tell anything to. But these days, you’re having a hard time being vulnerable and feeling like you can’t say what’s really on your mind. One or both of you might have experienced relational trauma that only makes it more difficult to be vulnerable. Or maybe the times you’ve tried being vulnerable, you were met with defensiveness or dismissiveness, so now vulnerability is the last way you want to approach your partner, and it’s getting in the way of feeling connected and happy in your relationship.
Or things seem to be okay—stable even—for a while, but then there’s a communication miss—someone said something but the other person heard something completely different. No matter how much you try to talk about it—one person trying to explain their intention and the other trying to explain how they feel—you just can’t seem to get on the same page. Eventually you just agree to drop it and pretend like things are fine. But the next time you fight, all those unresolved misses come back up.
Perhaps you’ve had problems communicating and resolving conflict for a long time. One person tries to stay quiet as long as possible to avoid the conflict, but eventually they can’t take it anymore, they bring up a problem and want to stay in it and solve the problem now, no matter how much it escalates; the other person gets quickly overwhelmed and wants to get away from the conflict as soon as it comes up. The more you try to get your partner to hear your side, the more they pull away from you. The more they pull away, the louder and meaner you get because you so desperately want to have them hear you and respond to you and lean back in.
Maybe everything is currently okay in your relationship, but you’re in the middle of planning for your wedding or going through a major life transition and you just want to make sure things stay okay between you two.
Or maybe everything in your relationship is going well, but you know therapy isn’t just for when you’re drowning, and you want to move your relationship from “good” to “great.”
It may feel impossible now, but you can find the fun and love in the relationship you’re in right now. You can build and repair trust. You can learn to communicate better and more vulnerably. And I can help you get there.
It’s normal for relationships to require work and intention. It’s not normal for them to feel impossible and like you’re looking for an exit at every turn. You and your partner can create a relationship where you feel compatible, safe, and cared for.
Therapy for relationships can help you…
Develop the skills to:
recognize the qualities in a relationship that will help it last.
be the kind of partner you’d want to have and the kind of partner that helps create a secure relationship.
start a new relationship on the right foundation.
heal previous patterns and traumas that have gotten in the way of your relationships being successful.
Get back to feeling:
like you can trust each other and have your partner be your safe place.
like you and your partner are on the same team and headed in the same direction.
at ease and secure in the relationship, like your relationship can make it through the obstacles that come your way.
emotionally, physically, and sexually connected.
Or for the very first time feel:
like you know exactly how to engage with your partner to resolve conflicts.
able to let your walls down and trust that your partner really gets you and will be there for you.
confident you can say anything without fear of your partner shutting you out or fear that your partner will leave.
hope that your relationship will only continue to get stronger, no matter what life throws at you.
I’ll help through this process, tailoring each step to your unique needs and circumstances. I have dedicated my professional career to understanding attachment, relationships, and trauma and what makes it difficult (and what makes it possible) to have safe, secure, stable, fulfilling, and connected relationships.
I have worked with: individuals, new couples, long-term off-and-on couples, pre-marital couples, newlyweds, new parents, heterosexual and queer relationships, monogamous and polyamorous relationships, mixed identity relationships, and neurodivergent couples.
My approach to couples therapy comes from a place of understanding the dynamics that are going on between two individuals. I do not seek to place blame on any one individual but rather to understand how you as a couple have created a dynamic that isn’t working for you or creating the relationship that you both desire.
I work primarily using Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, which meets the gold standard of treatment according to the American Psychological Association. I also incorporate aspects from the Gottman Method and Relational Life Therapy, Imago Therapy, and the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, which are highly effective form of treatment for couples in distress, as well as the Enneagram, Parts Work, and various forms of trauma treatment such as Brainspotting, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and neurofeedback.
With these methods, I’ll help you:
explore one another’s internal worlds and attachment styles to better understand each other’s needs and communication styles.
identify patterns of conflict and learn how to communicate differently to create more desired results - feeling understood, heard, and loved.
resolve relational traumas contributing to your difficulties in relationships, vulnerability, and attachment.
FAQs About Relationship Therapy
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Therapy for relationships can look different depending on the practitioner and modality used, and how we spend each individual session together might look different.
I have been trained in multiple relationship-focused modalities and pull from multiple approaches to meet your specific needs and goals.
When we start out, we’ll meet all together in one session to explore your history and goals for therapy. Next, I’ll schedule an individual meeting with each of you to get a more in-depth view on each person’s perception of the problem(s) in the relationship as well as each person's personal history in relationships and family. We’ll then have the remainder of our sessions with everyone present together.
Typically, it’s helpful to begin by meeting weekly so that the two of you can really feel some progress in your relationship. Often meeting at less frequent intervals can lead to slower therapeutic gains. An intensive session or series can also serve as a great foundation and a way to jumpstart your progress. We can plan together for the therapeutic program that will best suit your goals.
We will always begin by forming a solid therapeutic relationship as I want you to feel safe in our connection and work. And I always encourage feedback about ways to make your experience better!
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It really depends on what your needs and goals are. I’ve worked with a number of couples for a short period of time (6-10 sessions) or longer (15+ sessions). Some couples may only need to build some skills they previously didn't know to have a solid foundation in their relationship. However, when there are more complex and painful pieces of your history as a couple (e.g., infidelity, domestic violence), it’s not uncommon to meet for 6 months to a year, if not longer.
Some people choose to meet with a couples therapist for an extended period of time to process multiple difficult events in the relationship or simply to have a safe space to come back as needed when they get stuck in a point of conflict.
We can discuss your frequency and longevity in therapy to best plan for your needs and goals.
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I’m excited about the opportunity to support you on your journey towards building a stronger, more connected relationship! We’ll start with a consultation form and a 20 minute phone chat so that we can see how we connect and answer any questions you may have.
I truly believe the connection between therapist and clients makes all the difference in therapy, so if any of us decides we are not the best fit, I will be happy to provide you with referrals.